My Voice

My Voice Me saying my memoir

Rough Draft # 3

About two years ago something bad happen in my life "My Grandpa had Died". It first started when my dad picked me up from my old school Lee Elementary. He told me something sad happened in our life. I don't think you are going to believe me ,but your grandpa just died the other day. So I told my dad "This can't be true he didn't die not yet. When I heard what my dad told me that sentence I was frozen like an ice cube for ten minutes because I was shocked to hear that my grandpa has died.



When my dad told me the the news I didn't believe it. I thought it was all super FAKE! I knew i just had to believe my dad on this one. After I left my old school Lee Elementary early we went to my grandpa's funeral in Point Loma. My grandma was crying for my grandpa Bill. She was crying like a big shower like rain. Boom!! they were shooting bullets into the sky. Why are they doing that dad. Well since grandpa Bill was part of the Navy they just have to do that. Like one day you are part of the navy they will do the same thing to you. After the funeral for my grandpa we just left back to my house. Even if I die I will still remember my awesome grandpa Bill.


Two years this same day was when the funeral happened also today was my grandpa's birthday . So its been two years since my grandpa has died its two years since the funeral. Every day I wish that my grandpa is there with me and he is in my heart all the time.


The End

Sentece Veriety

This is a sentence that I think that is really long. When I heard what my dad told me that sentence I was frozen like an ice cube for ten minutes because I was shocked to hear that my grandpa has died.


This is a sentence I think that is really short.
Also every kind of navy gets this kind of Funeral.

FlashBack Technique\

I didn't use the flashback technique in my Memoir Blog

Cutting The Fat

These Are the sentences that I think I should take out.

After I left my old school Lee Elementary early we went to my grandpa's funeral in Point Loma.


Like one day you are part of the navy they will do the same thing to you. Also every kind of navy gets this kind of funeral.

Rough Draft # 2

About two years ago something bad happen in my life "My Grandpa had Died". It first started when my dad picked my up from my old school Lee Elementary. He told me something sad happened in our life. I don't think you are going to believe me ,but your grandpa just died the other day. So I told my dad "This can't be true he didn't die not yet. When I heard what my dad told me that sentence I was frozen like an ice cube for ten minutes because I was shocked to hear that my grandpa has died.



When my dad told me the the news I didn't believe it I thought it was all super FAKE! I knew i just had to believe my dad on this one. After I left my old school Lee Elementary early we went to my grandpa's funeral in Point Loma. My grandma was crying for my grandpa Bill. She was crying like a big shower like rain. Hey dad I can see High Tech High Media Arts. Boom!! they were shooting bullets into the sky. Why are they doing that dad. Well John, since grandpa Bill was part of the Navy they just have to do that. Like one day you are part of the navy they will do the same thing to you. Also every kind of navy gets this kind of funeral.

Finding you focus slowing down the "Hot Spot"

Hey dad why do those navy people have guns and shooting bullets into the sky. The gun noises are so loud its like my ear was just near a giant explosion. And also John its part of the funeral because your grandpa Bill was part of the navy. For every navy person in the navy will get this kind of funeral.

Interior Monologue

When I heard my dad say my grandpa Die I thought it was all super FAKE. Maybe one day in my life when I die I think I will meet my grandpa there. We are here for the funeral for Bill Wagner once was like all of us. Hey dad why do they navy guys have guns and shooting bullets into the sky. Well John since your grandpa was from the navy so they have to represent the people of the navy said my dad.

Incorporating Dialogue and adding "Gesture"

My Dad told me that very one sentence "John your grandpa has just pasted away I am very sorry to tell you that.

So I told my dad "This can not be true he didn't die not yet.

When my family was at my grandpa's funeral I told my dad "Hey dad I can see my brother's school High Tech High Media Arts.

Different Leads

Arresting Sentence-
"No! It not happening this just can not be" .


Spoken Words-
Wow! this is so far dad why does my grandpa's funeral have to be far away. Why couldn't it be a little closer.


Posing Question-
Hey did you know what happened to me two years ago. Well lets go back to the past come on check out my story.

Rough Draft # 1

I was frozen like an Ice Cube for ten minutes because I was shocked to hear that my grandpa had died. I ask my dad something and he said "Your grandpa just died". So I said "no this can't be true,but I just had to believe my dad. When I left my school Lee Elementary early we went to my grandpa's funeral near Point Loma. My grandma was crying for my grandpa. She was crying like lots and lots of rain. We were all very sad and its been about 2 years ago and we never forgot about my grandpa Bill. After the funeral we went to go eat at the "VIP". First we had to pick up my brother from High Tech High Media Arts. Then we went to VIP and we ate Lunch and Dinner. We still never forgot my grandpa. If I die I wonder if I'll see him again. It would be really nice if I could see my grandpa Bill ever again. "Rest In Peace Grandpa Bill".


As I was eating Lunch I was thinking if anybody had a better grandpa then me. "I have never forgot that day when my grandpa Bill died". I hope lots of people have a great grandpa like I ever had.