I was frozen like an Ice Cube for ten minutes because I was shocked to hear that my grandpa had died. I ask my dad something and he said "Your grandpa just died". So I said "no this can't be true,but I just had to believe my dad. When I left my school Lee Elementary early we went to my grandpa's funeral near Point Loma. My grandma was crying for my grandpa. She was crying like lots and lots of rain. We were all very sad and its been about 2 years ago and we never forgot about my grandpa Bill. After the funeral we went to go eat at the "VIP". First we had to pick up my brother from High Tech High Media Arts. Then we went to VIP and we ate Lunch and Dinner. We still never forgot my grandpa. If I die I wonder if I'll see him again. It would be really nice if I could see my grandpa Bill ever again. "Rest In Peace Grandpa Bill".
As I was eating Lunch I was thinking if anybody had a better grandpa then me. "I have never forgot that day when my grandpa Bill died". I hope lots of people have a great grandpa like I ever had.
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2 comments:
You did a good job stretching this text to make your second draft.
I like your lead here.
John,
I really like how you added more changes to your second draft.
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